Author: Chuck Cheek

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Pain Triggers

The following was copied from: http://www.rxlist.com/script/main/hp.asp

Pain Trigger: Cheese

Cheese lovers, take note – your favorite food may be the reason for all those headaches. Aged cheese, such as blue cheese, brie, cheddar, feta, mozzarella, parmesan and Swiss, contain a substance called tyramine. This notorious headache trigger is also found in some processed meats and beverages.

Solution: Keep a food diary to help spot links between foods and headaches, so you’ll know what to avoid.

Pain Trigger: Your Hairdo

A tight ponytail may trigger a headache, especially if you’re prone to migraines. Some migraine sufferers are more sensitive to sensations that wouldn’t bother others, such as a tight hat, headband, bun, or braids.

Solution: Wear your hair down and skip the hat.

Pain Trigger: Strong Smells

Doctors aren’t sure why, but strong smells are another common migraine trigger. This can include obnoxious odors, such as paint and smoke. But pleasant scents, including perfume and fresh flowers, can also be a problem.

Solution: Identify which smells spark your headaches and try to avoid them.

Pain Trigger: Skipping Meals

Skipping meals causes your blood sugar to dip. In some people, this can trigger a massive headache before you even realize you’re hungry.

Solution: Eat nutritious foods regularly throughout the day. Opt for snacks that combine protein and whole grains, such as peanut butter on whole-wheat crackers.

Pain Trigger: Your Workstation

If you spend many hours a day at your desk or workstation, give some thought to the setup. A poorly positioned chair can cause you to slouch forward, straining the back and neck. A monitor that’s too low or too high will also strain the neck.

Solution: Place your monitor with the top of the screen at eye level. Position your chair so that you are sitting straight with your feet on the floor. Use a cushion to support the lower back if needed.

Pain Trigger: Stress

Stress contributes to a vast array of aches and pains. Many people tighten the back muscles when anxious, leading to chronic back pain. Most tension headaches stem from stress. And stress may play a role in teeth grinding, leading to jaw pain.

Solution: Practice relaxation techniques, such as meditation or yoga.

When to See the Doctor About Pain

Seek immediate medical attention if you have:

  • Chest pain
  • A severe headache and/or stiff neck
  • Pain related to an injury
  • Pain accompanied by weakness or numbness

Any chronic pain should also be evaluated by a doctor, especially if it interferes with work, hobbies or sleep.

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Federal Income Taxes – Bush vs Obama

The excerpt below is from an article by Stephen Ohlemacher appearing Monday, February 7, 2011 on the Yahoo website. The article is titled, “Tax News from Yahoo Finance. For the entire article just google the author or the title.

“At the request of The Associated Press, The Tax Institute at H&R Block compared 2008 and 2010 tax bills for families at various income levels, showing how their taxes have changed since Obama took office. Taxpayers are filing their 2010 tax returns this spring, while 2008 was the last full year that Bush was president. The scenarios assume that each family had the same income, filing status and number of dependent children in both years.”

“Income tax rates remain unchanged. But many taxpayers are seeing their bills drop under Obama because of more generous tax credits for college students, working families, homebuyers and the working poor. Many of the changes were enacted as part of the big economic stimulus package passed in 2009.” (Bolding added)

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The U.S. Constitution

I’m going to read our Constitution again. I saw the news segment of John Boehner’s statement but I didn’t catch the oversight pointed out by John Laird, editor of The Columbian newspaper of Vancouver, Washington. Here is the excerpt from the article by Laird:

The Constitution deserves our clear thinking. In November 2009 John Boehner — the man who last week became House Speaker — stood on the steps of the U.S. Capitol and electrified a Tea Party rally. He brandished a booklet and exclaimed passionately: “This is my copy of the Constitution. And I’m going to stand here with our Founding Fathers who wrote in the Preamble, ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident. …’” Oh, how his idolators’ hearts fluttered. Some nodded, some swooned, undeterred by the fact that Boehner was citing the Preamble to the Declaration of Independence, not the Constitution.

Okay, I read the Constitution and the 27 amendments. See it here if you wish: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_Constitution#The_Bill_of_Rights_.28Amendments_1_to_10.29

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PARAPROSDOKIAN

PARAPROSDOKIAN (Thanks to Harley for this one)

….A Paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter
part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way
that causes the reader or listener to re-frame or reinterpret the
first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic
effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax…

Ø I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way.
So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Ø Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level
and beat you with experience.

Ø I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather; not
screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Ø Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than
standing in a garage makes you a car.

Ø The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the
list.

Ø Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear
bright until you hear them speak.

Ø If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.

Ø We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public

Ø War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

Ø Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting
it in a fruit salad.

Ø The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets
the cheese.

Ø Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’ and then
proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

Ø To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from
many is research.

Ø A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a
train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

Ø How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it
takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Ø Some people are like Slinkies…not really good for anything,
but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the
stairs.

Ø Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity,
they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and
throw them fish.

Ø I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

Ø A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove
that you don’t need it.

Ø Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an
emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”. Scroll down for more …….


Ø I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.Ø I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it; so I said “Implants?”

Ø Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Ø Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Ø Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

Ø Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

Ø A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Ø You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

Ø The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Ø Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

Ø A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

Ø Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.

Ø Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Ø I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

Ø Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

Ø There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.

Ø I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.

Ø I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lime, and a shot of tequila.

Ø When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

Ø You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

Ø To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Ø Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

Ø A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

Ø If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

Ø Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

　

　

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No Sex Since 1955

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic liberal ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

“Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man.. Is something bothering you?”

“Negative, ma’am. Just serious by nature..”

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, “It looks like you have seen a lot of action.”

“Yes, ma’am, a lot of action.”

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, “You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.”

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, “You know, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but when was the last time you had sex?”

“1955, ma’am.”

“Well, there you are. No wonder you’re so serious. You really need to chill out and relax! I mean no sex since 1955! Come with me.” She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to “relax” him several times.

Afterward, panting for breath, she leaned against his grizzled bare chest and said, “Wow, you sure didn’t forget much since 1955.”

The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, “I hope not; it’s only 2130 now.”

Gotta love military time